Wankers of the Week: Easter Bummers

Crappy Easter, everyone! If you’re feeling kinda butthurt, or like your ears’ve been chewed off, the chocolate bunnies above can relate. So can I. Because I’ve been tracking the reasons why this past week has just sucked all kinds of eggs. And here they are, in no particular order: 1. Lee Fucking Aronsohn. Who? Oh, ...

Wankers of the Week: In like a liar, out like a sham

Crappy weekend, everyone! Well, I guess you all heard about the Big Dick’s new heart, eh? Yeah, he finally got a human one for the first time in his life. If that thing is really human, it’s gonna reject him prontissimo. I’m now taking bets as to when that will happen. Meanwhile, here are a ...

Wankers of the Week: Spring Break at Club Smeg

Crappy weekend, everyone! Well. How’re we all enjoying our March Break? Not at all, you say? I’m not surprised. Look who’s fucking with my peace of mind this week, in no particular order: 1. Ellen Fucking Johnson-Sirleaf. Excuse me, ma’am, but why did you win the Nobel Peace Prize, again? Failing to support human rights ...

Wankers of the Week: Beware the Sluts of March

Crappy weekend, everyone…crappy St. Paddy’s Day to all…and especially all you slutty, slutty sluts out there. Because hey, if we’re gonna go by the Pigman’s definition of what constitutes sluttitude, then we’re all in it together, right? And that makes us a bunch of sluts to watch out for. And who’s afraid of sluts? Why, ...

Wankers of the Week: Stupor Tuesday and women’s blights

Crappy weekend, everyone! So, how are you liking all that Repugnicanism south of our borders? Exciting, eh? Yeah, what a horse race it’s proving to be. Pity whoever has to clean up what the ponies left behind. And this week there’s an awful lot of it, from them and various others, in no particular order: ...

Wankers of the Week: Robocranks and other bad calls

Crappy weekend, everyone! Well, how’re we liking that ol’ robocall/crank-call scandal of our Dear Leader and his SupposiTory Harper Government™? If this ain’t the gift that’ll keep on giving to us progressives, I don’t know what is. But I’m gonna be keeping my pitchfork handy just in case, because if these clowns don’t leave on ...

Wankers of the Week: Icky Ricky gets licky

Crappy weekend, everyone? Don’t you just love that .gif? I can’t seem to stop watching it, it exerts the strangest fascination. (Especially when set to music.) And just look at the color of that ice cream, too. Can he really not have known what would happen if he stuck that thing in his mouth while ...

Wankers of the Week: Ceiling Vic is watching you masturbate

Crappy weekend, everyone! Have you all enjoyed your week-that-was? NO? What a surprise. I couldn’t either, what with all these wankers breathing down my neck (or DSL line, same difference). And here they come, in no particular order: 1. Sarah Fucking Palin. I’m surprised that even CPAC still thinks she’s relevant; she’s not, she’s just ...

Wankers of the Week: Happy Stupid People’s Day!

Crappy weekend, everyone! Are we all looking forward to the discount chocolate sale on the 15th yet? I know I am. I need something to take my mind off all the Stoopid flying thick and fast over the past week. Especially the egregious crapola from the craptastic crappers noted here, in no particular order: 1. ...

Wankers of the Week: Corporate welfare bums (and other asses deserving to be kicked)

Crappy weekend, everyone! Oh, what a week it’s been…me under the weather, and yet the wanks and the wanking wankers who wank them just keep on coming. This week’s list is a little abbreviated as a result of my miserable, rotten, mostly-head cold, but as you can see, it’s still jam-packed with teh fugly. And ...

Wankers of the Week: The Irony and the Ugh-stasy

Crappy weekend, everyone! I suppose you wonder what His Barackness is snickering about up there. Trust me, he’s got plenty to laugh at, and most of it is listed here. So let’s get to it with no further ado, shall we? 1. Newt Fucking Gingrich. Yes, he’s the man of the week, no doubt about ...

Wankers of the Week: Out of the ship and into the SOPA

Crappy weekend, everyone! And there goes another one into the drink, just like those poor souls on that ship with the dipshit captain. If you feel like your world is being piloted by fucking incompetents and self-centred bastards on just such a level, pat yourself on the back…it is. And here come this week’s winners ...

Wankers of the Week: Ridin’ the Pipeline to Nowhere

Crappy weekend, everyone! Well, there goes another shitty week. Gitmo is ten years old now, and still no trials for any of the prisoners; probably because then it would come out embarrassingly in court that there were an awful lot of false arrests made, and that the whole exercise hasn’t done a damn thing to ...

Shit Homophobes Say

Notice that all of this is verbatim, no “Shit ____s Say” spoofage needed: And as a side note, every one of these ‘phobes has previously been wank-listed here for those same words and many, may more. I guess that also makes this a “Shit Wankers Say” video.

Wankers of the Week: Wronging in the New Year

Crappy New Year, everyone! How’s yer hangover? All gone? Slept it off, you say? Good. Because, as we all know, wank never sleeps. Especially if it’s got a buzz on; then it’s got the bed-spins. And glory be, sure enough, I’ve found you some fine exemplars of what NOT to be as you’re struggling to ...

Wankers of the Week: Year-End Yahoos

Crappy weekend everyone! It’s New Year’s Eve, but even so, the wanks just keep on coming. Guess some people just gotta see the old year out with a bang…and a crash…and an unceremonious thud…and a whimper, plus some cheese to go with that drunken whine. And true to form, these people did. So here they ...

Wankers of the Week: Crappy Holidaze

Crappy weekend, everyone! Well, well…the holidaze is upon us. Eggnog ad nauseam, and enough turkey to put an entire army to sleep. And cranberries to wash all the gunk out of our urinary tracts at the end of it all. Gotta love this time of year! And don’t get me wrong, I do. When I’m ...

Wankers of the Week: Third Badvent, and all is hell

Crappy weekend, everyone! Well, it’s that time again, the Most Wonderful Time of the Week…the time we shit-list all the worthiest and most deserving shits who crossed our radars this week. And, in no particular order, they are… 1. Margaret Fucking Wente. If, as she claims, the poor are doing so much better than we ...

Wankers of the Week: Second Badvent edition

Crappy weekend, everyone! Well, it’s that time again…Saturday night’s all right for fighting, and for exposing the blight on our world. There sure is a lot of it this week. And tonight it is, in no particular order: 1. Doug Fucking Ford. Maybe he and bully brother Robbo need to look at WHY they’re routinely ...

Wankers of the Week: First Badvent edition

Crappy weekend, everyone! Wow, first Advent…first week of December…where did the past week go? If you spent any of it fighting other shoppers in stores (some armed with pepper spray, oy vey), you may have saved a few bucks, but you wasted your time. But never fear, you can make up for it here…by getting ...

Wankers of the Week: Amurrican Wanksgiving

Crappy weekend, everyone! And happy Wanksgiving to my many lovely and talented readers in the States. You people sure have a lot of winners (pronounced wieners) walking among you. My sincere condolences! This year, as your president and other political animals are out there pardoning the turkeys, I’d like you all to spare a thought ...

Wankers of the Week: A keg of vintage swine

Crappy weekend, everyone! Last week it was slops; this week it’s hawg-butcherin’ time, and we’ve got a fat lot of pigs to get through. So here they are, with no further ado and in no particular order… 1. Mohammad Fucking Shafia. How ironic is it that his idea of “maintaining” his family’s honor…has dragged their ...

Wankers of the Week: Riot slops

Crappy weekend, everyone! So, how are we liking all those riots of the past week? Penn State had a real one, for the worst reason imaginable, and everyone involved made out like it was some righteous show of school pride (it wasn’t — school pride does NOT flip TV news vans); Berkeley and Montréal had ...

Wankers of the Week: Remember, remember…

Crappy weekend, everyone! And Happy Bonfire Night to all you Brits and Guy Fawkes fans out there. Oh gawd, it’s November…or if you’re a guy trying to grow a ‘stache (a Guy Fawkes-style one?) for prostate-cancer awareness/fundraising, MOvember. And today was Bank Transfer Day, for those of you in the States (and elsewhere) trying to ...

Wankers of the Week: Happy Hell-o-ween!

Crappy weekend, everyone! How are we enjoying this week from Hell? And Halloween is just around the corner, and with it, one may deduce, a zombie apocalypse. Between these people and the zombies, I know which ones I’d pick to hang out with…how ’bout you? 1. Silvio Fucking Berlusconi. Well, that was nice of him, ...