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Stupid Sex Tricks: Dept. of Unenforceable Laws, Ukraine

Straight from the Wide World of WTF, we get wind of some wildly stupid fetus fetishism from Eastern Europe:

“An incredible project of law was presented before the parliament of Ukraine: banning the missionary position in sexual relations.”

That was the headline on Actualidad RT. The authors of this controversial project of law explained . . . → Read More: Stupid Sex Tricks: Dept. of Unenforceable Laws, Ukraine

Stupid Sex Tricks: How NOT to hug a tree

Environmentalism: Ur doin it rong. Also, stay the fuck off of drugs. And bros on drugs.

Stupid Sex Tricks: Fake flash, real arrest

Well, howdy there, Beer Can Man. Ill-advised dress-up games seem to be a thing with you, eh? Let’s hope this doesn’t become a thing for anyone else…

Meet Jacob Bovia.

The 28-year-old Maryland resident is facing five criminal charges for exposing himself to several women around the campus of Anne Arundel Community College, according . . . → Read More: Stupid Sex Tricks: Fake flash, real arrest

Stupid Sex (Hater) Tricks: Amend THIS, motherfuckers!

Actually, I think female orgasms should be written into EVERY constitution.

(You’ll note as well that the would-be legislators totally forgot the clitoris, which is made for nothing BUT pleasure, as it serves no reproductive purpose whatsoever. And that’s the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it. Uh-huh, uh-huh.)

. . . → Read More: Stupid Sex (Hater) Tricks: Amend THIS, motherfuckers!

Stupid Sex Tricks: Wear it, (over)share it

When I first saw the headline for this Glamour piece, I have to admit, my mind jumped to all kinds of dystopian conclusions: Love-gloves with a built-in nanochip that automatically activates when the rubber gets used, and spills all the dirty deets of your deed to a breathlessly waiting Internet? Hey, it could happen. . . . → Read More: Stupid Sex Tricks: Wear it, (over)share it

Stupid (Anti-)Sex Tricks: The American Lie League, and other hilarious crapagandroids

Need a good laugh tonight? Here ya go:

Mmmmmm, penis cupcakes and vagina macaroons! Yummy!

Jezebel calls this “the most hilariously lewd thing you’ll ever see”, and they’re not far from the truth. This hysterical video inadvertently gives away the makers’ own creepy fetishes. Calling Planned Parenthood a pusher of sex-as-drugs-to-children, and then offering . . . → Read More: Stupid (Anti-)Sex Tricks: The American Lie League, and other hilarious crapagandroids

Stupid Sex(ist) Tricks: Why I will never be a vegan

Aside from the serious health concerns they blithely neglect to mention in their quest to turn the whole world vegan, PETA also engages in false, deceptive and highly offensive advertising that’s downright abusive to women:

There is so much wrong with this ad. What kind of man is so sexually out of control that . . . → Read More: Stupid Sex(ist) Tricks: Why I will never be a vegan

Stupid Sex Tricks: Why real news doesn’t make the news anymore

Any questions?

Stupid Sex Tricks: Where NOT to get a tattoo, and why

Um, if you’re a dude…how about your genitalia? As for why, read on:

You’d think somebody repeatedly sticking a needle in your penis would be a little off-putting, but the 21-year-old Iranian apparently thought it would be a grand idea to have Persian script reading borow be salaamat (good luck on your journeys), and . . . → Read More: Stupid Sex Tricks: Where NOT to get a tattoo, and why

Stupid Sex Tricks: Because stupid hat tricks are so passé

Hockey normally gets very short shrift here, unless I’m wank-listing Don Fucking Cherry for his latest rockum-sockum case of Teh Stoopid. But this time, the tacky thing at the rink wasn’t him or his suit, it was what someone else tossed onto the ice:

Yes, that is a dildo. And this is its tale . . . → Read More: Stupid Sex Tricks: Because stupid hat tricks are so passé

Stupid Sex Tricks: Braggadocio 2.0

Via Glamour, I heard about this. The developers call it “I Just Made Love”; I prefer to call it “I Just Made An Ass Of Myself”:

Description

Did you just made love? Or just want to check where people near you made love? I just made love lets you do all that and more!

Oh . . . → Read More: Stupid Sex Tricks: Braggadocio 2.0

Stupid Sex Tricks: Viagra in WHAT?

Relax, it’s not quite so drastic. But yeah, it’s just about that silly:

Durex has a new condom out that promises to enhance erections with a gel inside the tip that contains Zanifil. The over-the-counter drug boosts blood flow in the penis, which leads to firmer, larger, and longer-lasting erections for men who might . . . → Read More: Stupid Sex Tricks: Viagra in WHAT?

Stupid Sex Tricks: Dad, is that YOU?

This isn’t the first time I’ve heard THIS story:

A MAN got more than he bargained for when a prostitute he ordered to his hotel room turned out to be his daughter.

The Huffington Post reports that Zimbabwean Titus Ncube decided to employ a sex worker as he was having marital difficulties, but collapsed . . . → Read More: Stupid Sex Tricks: Dad, is that YOU?

Stupid Sex Tricks: A wanker’s new best friend?

Courtesy of those merry pranksters at The Onion, we have every man’s dream use of technology, available at last:

Ah, TYSO. There’s only one problem with you: You are STILL no match for Ceiling Cat.

And Ceiling Cat is immune to metal quills, too.

. . . → Read More: Stupid Sex Tricks: A wanker’s new best friend?

Stupid Sex Tricks: Occupy WHAT?

As if Occupy Oakland didn’t have enough shit going on, what with two badly injured war vets (at last count) and a fascist mayor. Now this?

New York-based homosexual smut peddler Dirty Boy Video put out a video called “Occupy My Throat” in which two hippie-ish twinks, who look like they might really be . . . → Read More: Stupid Sex Tricks: Occupy WHAT?

Stupid Science Tricks: 20 papers in five minutes

Two young women present a list of actual research papers that reads like the nominees for the next Ig Nobel prize. Sex, immaculate conception, plumbing, it’s all in there. Breasts make the list twice (what IS it about boobs?), and cat food and cockroaches also put in an appearance. My absolute fave, though, is . . . → Read More: Stupid Science Tricks: 20 papers in five minutes

Stupid Sex Tricks: A dumb-dumb threesome

First up, a little sexy-ass music:

Look at those fuckin’ hipsters.

Now, the news.

First up, Things You Should Never Do In Cop Cars:

It all started on Monday when a 911 caller reported a man passed out at the Whataburger along Highway 59 in Porter.

KSAT.com reported that when Montgomery County constables . . . → Read More: Stupid Sex Tricks: A dumb-dumb threesome

Stupid Sex(less) Tricks: No cuddling, please, we’re British

Okay. Leaving out the obvious gender stereotyping that the media are crammed full of (guys don’t like to cuddle? Not in MY experience), it’s shit like this, Britain… A staggering 32 per cent of UK females admit they can’t stand cuddling when in bed, but force themselves into a clinch to avoid upsetting their partner. […] . . . → Read More: Stupid Sex(less) Tricks: No cuddling, please, we’re British

Stupid Sex(ist) Tricks: How to smell like a pelotudo

Everybody in North America knows (or SHOULD know) that Axe Body Spray is the masking odor for (pre)adolescent male sexual insecurity, immaturity and general lack of appeal. It’s the sort of stuff that you want to avoid if you’re a guy, and avoid a guy who smells of it if you’re a gal. So when […] . . . → Read More: Stupid Sex(ist) Tricks: How to smell like a pelotudo

Stupid Sex Tricks: Banking and wanking, together at last

No. Oh, no. NO: In case you were wondering what that was all about, Copyranter explains: Komerční Banka is a member of the Société Générale Group, and is one of the leading financial institutions in the Czech Republic. Copy translation, according to the YouTube poster: “Enjoy the first banking transaction.” There’s another of these spots […] . . . → Read More: Stupid Sex Tricks: Banking and wanking, together at last

Stupid Sex Tricks: Who gives a flying fuck?

Erm…apparently, these two do: The Federal Aviation Administration says it will look into a videotaped skydiving sex stunt to determine if the pilot might have been distracted during the incident over Kern County. FAA spokesman Ian Gregor says any activity that could distract the pilot while he’s flying could be a violation of federal regulations. […] . . . → Read More: Stupid Sex Tricks: Who gives a flying fuck?

Stupid Sex Tricks: Well, that’s ONE way to get their attention…

But if you really want to hold it, you may have to chain them up: Not recommended for use with customers, obviously. . . . → Read More: Stupid Sex Tricks: Well, that’s ONE way to get their attention…

Stupid Sex Tricks: The ultimate stupid sex trick

Just file this one under “it’s all fun and games until someone breaks his penis”: A penile facture, or “broken penis,” is an injury that occurs to the erect penis. There are no bones in the penis; the “fracture” refers to tearing or laceration of a fibrous membrane called the tunica albuginea, which surrounds the […] . . . → Read More: Stupid Sex Tricks: The ultimate stupid sex trick

Stupid Sex Tricks: 9-11, with a side order of commodified female flesh

Gawd bless Amurrica! This was uploaded by Hooters itself, two days before the 9-11 x 10 mourn-a-thon. I believe the underlying message is “Eat greasy wings and ogle these Twin Towers (hurr hurr, geddit?), or the terrorists win!” (Thx, Jeze… . . . → Read More: Stupid Sex Tricks: 9-11, with a side order of commodified female flesh

Stupid Sex Tricks: Only in France?

Zut alors! Sexual abstinence could cost you dear. Jean-Louis, 51, found that out the hard way after his divorce. According to Le Parisien, the Niçois was sentenced in May 2009 by the court of appeals of Aix-en-Provence to pay 10,000 euros in damages to his ex-wife Monique for “absence of sexual relations over several years”. […] . . . → Read More: Stupid Sex Tricks: Only in France?