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Dead Wild Roses: On Resentment – Gabor Maté

“A therapist once said to me, “If you face the choice between feeling guilt and resentment, choose the guilt every time.” It is wisdom I have passed on to many others since. If a refusal saddles you with guilt, while consent leaves resentment in its wake, opt for the guilt.

Resentment is soul suicide.

 

-Gabor Maté. When the Body Says “No”. p.257

 

Filed under: Social Science Tagged: Dr.Gabor Mate, Quote of the Day

Dead Wild Roses: On Blame – Another RSA Short by Dr. Brené Brown

This sorta stuff is what makes or breaks relationships. Have you ever caught yourself doing the actions they just mentioned in a video like this? I just did.

Let me tell you a story, but first watch the video .

 

Pretty high on the useful emotional educational chart if you ask me. But back to my promised anecdote.

This happened not even a week ago – I do my blogging on the weekends, and schedule a week’s worth of posts in a batch – so really this happened today, but in the past when you, gentle readers, (Read more…)

Dead Wild Roses: Empathy Vs. Sympathy – An RSA Short by Dr. Brené Brown

I’m in complete agreement with this animated short. I can see from my own personal experiences the vastly different feelings I get between someone sympathizing with me versus someone who empathizes with me.

 

I can see why empathy is less common – it is waaaaaay harder to achieve because being empathetic requires time, energy and authentic connection with the person you are communicating with.

Filed under: Social Science Tagged: Empathy, RSA, Sympathy

Dead Wild Roses: Winning on Golden Balls – Is it Game Theory or just How much of an As*hole are you?)

This is what happens when you combine game theory, psychology and sociology on a gameshow you get the phenomena called Golden Balls. I have not watched an entire episode, but merely some outcomes of the final decision in which two people are given three possible outcomes for splitting, usually, a large sum of money.

What happens is each contestant is given two golden balls, within each ball there is a little sign that says ‘split’ or ‘steal. That gives us three possibilities…

1. Split – Split = contestants split the pot.

2. Split – Steal = (Read more…)

Dead Wild Roses: Our Families, Technology and Having the ‘Right’ Experience

We can lump this video in with the others that attempt to shed light on issues in society that matter while discreetly hawking their wares in the background. The best form of advertising? I’m not sure, but the commercial makes space for some thinking about how generational experiences are becoming increasingly stratified and foreign to one another.

Are today’s youth doomed to be nothing but cloistered vid-heads who only know nature through what they have seen on the screens of their tablets? Possibly but I’m thinking that much of the fuss we see about losing out youth (Read more…)

Dead Wild Roses: The Opposite of Addiction is Connection

Recently I posted a quote from John Hari on addiction. See it here. I’ve also updated the post to include the video below as well. What is detailed in this TED talk is idea that we should punish and isolate addicts from society. This idea, according to Hari is about 100 years old and also, more importantly completely wrong.

The methodology we base the current “War on Drugs” and how we treat people who are addicted is based on poor experimental design. When we control for environmental factors – addiction mostly disappears.

This TED talk (Read more…)

Dead Wild Roses: John Hari on Addiction – Isolating Addicts is not the Answer

This is taken from the interview titled: Does Capitalism Cause Drug Addiction? The piece that I am going to excerpt is about how we view addiction in society. If we are to believe Hari, it isn’t about a failure in moral rectitude or falling into a drug laden trap of compulsion; but rather it is the atomization and rampant consumerism in society that causes the addictions we see today.

“Drugs are not what we think they are. Addiction is not what we think it is. The drug war is certainly not what we’ve been told it is. And (Read more…)

Dead Wild Roses: War On Drugs Still a Losing Battle

Why are drugs still illegal? I wrote a while ago about the success of Portugal, where all drugs were legalized, and the money previously used to enforce drug laws were instead used to fund social programs to help those with drug problems. Not only was Portugal’s drug abuse problem significantly reduced, but HIV and crime rates plummeted as well. It has been almost 15 years since Portugal started their non-prohibition experiment, with revolutionary results, and yet other countries still refuse to let go of their self-defeating War on Drugs.

I have recently read a fantastic interview with Johann Hari, on Sam (Read more…)

Dead Wild Roses: All About Love: bell hooks.

Just started reading Hooks’ treatise on Love. Only twenty two pages but already word-gold is present:

One of the most important social myths we must debunk if we are to become a more loving culture is the one that teaches parents that abuse and neglect can coexist with love. Abuse and neglect negate love. Care and affirmation, the opposite of abuse and humiliation, are the foundation of love. no one can rightfully claim to loving when behaving abusively. Yet parents do this all the time in our culture. Children are being told that (Read more…)

Dead Wild Roses: Trauma, Stress, Addiction – Gabor Maté

Reading Mate’s book called In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts. I’ve been unable to put this book down as his research and insight into addictions and associated behaviours dovetails snugly with the clientele I work with most days. Here is a brief excerpt from the chapter titled Trauma, Stress and the Biology of Addiction.

“Hardcore drug addicts, whose lives invariably began under conditions of severe stress, are all too readily triggered into a stress reaction. Not only does the stress response easily overwhelm the addict’s already challenged capacity for rational thought when emotionally aroused, but also (Read more…)

Dead Wild Roses: Michael Kimmel – On Gender and Privilege

I’m reading Kimmel’s book GuyLand and I shudder to think of what I would be if I had engaged in the sort of crap that constitutes the typical male maturation process.

 

Filed under: Social Science Tagged: Gender, Privilege, Sociology

Dead Wild Roses: On Blame – A Barrier to Accountability

Let’s just add this to the list of things to be mindful of when dealing with the important and not so important people in our lives. How often does it happen to you? Does it happen to you?

In hindsight, I can see that sometimes I do this and really, as the video says, it just isn’t very helpful.

 

Filed under: Social Science Tagged: Blame, Brene Brown, RSA Animate

Dead Wild Roses: RSA Animate – The ABC’s of Persuasion

We have not featured an RSA animate here at DWR like forever, so here we go a quick hit in the qualities of persuasion you should have.

Filed under: Social Science Tagged: ABC’s of Persuasion, RSA Animate, Sociology

Dead Wild Roses: Logic: How to PWN an argument, without getting the RPOJ

If you want to take down somebody else’s argument, a certain familiarity with the nature of intellectual or philosophical (as opposed to playground) argument is required, so that you can construct your own counter-argument. In an intellectual argument, the person putting forth an argument sets out a number of premises (statements of facts), which, when you add them together, at best makes it impossible for their conclusion to be false (deductive argument), or at least makes it much more likely that their conclusion is true (inductive argument).

If you want to show that somebody’s argument is wrongity wrong, there (Read more…)

Dead Wild Roses: Social Maps of Cities – David Troy

Interesting vid from TED about the social composition of cities. I would have liked David to get into a little more detail about the methodology used to create his pretty maps.

Filed under: Social Science Tagged: Maps, Sociology

Dead Wild Roses: Capitalism – “Breaking” Cultural Norms (Ochobo) by Reinforcing Them.

From Sociological Images Micheal Lozano -

 

[...] Japanese fast-food has found a way to bypass the cultural stigmas that impede their profits. One food chain noticed many women would not buy their biggest-sized burgers. The culprit was ochobo, a Japanese custom that prevents women from opening their mouth widely in public. Small mouths are considered beautiful and opening them widely is considered “ugly” and “rude.” The restaurant concluded that it would get into the business of “freeing women from the spell of ‘ochobo.’”

Face Veil, so liberating! much burger! noms tasty!

 

 

(Read more…)

Dead Wild Roses: How to Influence Teenagers and other People too.

Working in behavioural education means that much of this stuff is old hat for me, but sometimes isn’t as common knowledge as I think it is for others, so lets review some the tricksy-hobbit ways P-sychologists work their magic. We’ll pick up midway though the article:

I asked Dahl what he does with his children when he wants to influence them.

His answer? He uses techniques from a clinical method called “motivational interviewing.” Motivational interviewing has proven effective in motivating behavior change in teens in difficult arenas, like drug and alcohol abuse, disordered eating, and risky sexual behavior. (Read more…)

Dead Wild Roses: What if the Centre of the World Changed?

Interesting thought. Discuss.

Filed under: Social Science Tagged: Norms, Society, Sociolgy

Dead Wild Roses: Building Trust – Sliding Door Moments

Building a good relationship doesn’t happen in an instant. The good relationship requires a stream of small, often seemingly inconsequential, choices that build attunement empathy and sensitivity to your partner’s (and yours) need. John Gottman describes the process and also touches on the idea the CL-Alt which can start a cascade that moves couples farther away from a good relationship space.

Filed under: Social Science Tagged: Building Trust, Intimate Relationships, John Gottman, Relationships, Sociology

Dead Wild Roses: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse – Marriage Behaviours that Destroy Marriages.

I thought I’d share some useful advice about relationships and marriage. It will be familiar reading to those who have taken sociology of the family. Enjoy.

“John Gottman’s FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE John Gottman, Ph.D., is a well respected psychologist and marriage researcher who reports that an unhappy marriage can increase your chances of becoming ill by 35% and take four years off your life! He believes “working on your marriage every day will do more for your health and longevity than working out at a health club”. Although many of us believe that anger is (Read more…)

Dead Wild Roses: The Innovation of Loneliness – Film Short.

I’m not much for the social media, to be honest I prefer to be alone because the rest of you are so darn noisy.

 

Filed under: Social Science Tagged: Loneliness, Technology

Dead Wild Roses: The Sexy Lie – Caroline Heldman

A fantastic video on identifying and stopping the objectification of women.

Filed under: Education, Feminism, Social Science Tagged: Feminism, Objectification, The Next Generation, The Sexy Lie, Women

Dead Wild Roses: The DWR Sunday Disservice – The Ideology, or Cult of Happiness

Today, let’s look at one of the prime methods of baffling the masses. The power of positive thinking and the credulous ‘Positive Psychology’ that buttresses the fatuous assertions made by the followers of the cult of happiness. While not a exclusively in the domain in religious, the deluded (religious and otherwise) use ‘positive thinking’ to lie to their flocks and ensconce the cancerous idea that somehow if they just work a little harder and be a little happier wealth, fame and fortune will fall into their laps.

This of course, is bullshit.

Your earning potential in life (Read more…)

Dead Wild Roses: Empire of Illusion – On Postive “Psychology”

Dealing with positive psychology and its converts can be most irksome at times because, like religion, they don’t smell the bullshit they are peddling. Let’s look at the concise way Chris Hedges sums up this toxic phenomena in his book Empire of Illusion.

“There is a dark, insidious quality to the ideology promoted by the positive psychologists. They condemn all social critics and iconoclasts, the dissidents and the individualists, for failing to surrender and seek fulfillment in the collective lowing of the corporate herd. They strangle creativity an moral autonomy. They seek to mold and (Read more…)

Dead Wild Roses: Chris Hedges’ 2003 Rockford College Commencement Address – Speaking Truth to Power

Let us take a good look at how free speech and competing idea’s are treated at a American College. You wonder why so many people just roll their eyes when the words American and enlightened are mentioned in the same sentence.

What gets me is that these are the supposed emerging ‘educated class’… the new leaders of American society. Such inanity, such ignorance such dedication to american exceptionalism. This is really a chilling video.

Speaking the truth, as always, is never well received.

[Full Text of Speech]

I want to speak to you today about (Read more…)