Okay first, right off the hop, let me just say that yes, like a twelve-year-old, I have been snickering at the question “who puts the ‘D’ in ‘Dystopia’”. Dystopian fiction used to be among my favourite genres …styles… of fiction. I still do love me a well-crafted dystopian tale, but
Continue readingTag: piss in your eye
centre of the universe: Remembery
Do you remember the time you took me with you to your sister’s wedding? It was in small town somewhere and I was jonesing for a cig but no place was open and not even the bar was holding. I think I opted to spend the service itself in the
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Be Careful What You Don’t Ask For
Not even three full years after enacting moderately sexist “Frat House Legislation“, Premier Brad Wall announced that his government had “reversed our mistake to allow strip clubs in SK.” With a rather smug nod to the reason being related to human trafficking, without any …whattayacallit… proof or supporting documentation whatsoever,
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Why a Communications Strategy is imperative
Man, that sounds boring. Bear with me, okay? Whether you are running a business, employed as a writer or PR or communications staff, or whether you’re running or managing a minor sports team, a dance troupe, or a non-profit, you need a communications strategy. This might be as simple as
Continue readingcentre of the universe: No Public Telephone
My Internets died today. And then my phones died. And the only way I knew my phone died was when #HisNibs texted me to ask why nobody was answering the phone. And I said, “you mean the phone that hasn’t rung all…ohhhhh…” So I called SaskTel, who is our phone
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Erosion
The dude on the news was talking about a recent study that seems to say that people with University degrees are earning less than people with high school degrees. Guy then goes on to say that University grads make more but that people with high school diplomas have received more
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Competition?
Hi cenobyte, How have you been? I understand you only wanted to communicate to your previous consultant but I am emailing you now check on the update for your book. We are celebrating our 17th anniversary this month and we’re giving out almost more than 50% discount. I am not
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Cherie from the vanity press called today
I received correspondence today from the vanity press that keeps contacting me. You remember this from such escapades as Nathan’s going to publish my manifesto and Suggestions for Nathan regarding my manifesto and A Mouthful of Marbles and Nathan’s gone missing. A woman called “Cherie [REDACTED] a Publishing Consultant from [REDACTED]” contacted
Continue readingcentre of the universe: NATHAN, WHERE ARE YOU?
In January, I was contacted by Ex Libris, a vanity press that uses extremely aggressive marketing techniques to bilk writers out of their hard-earned income. I have asked repeatedly to be taken off of their contact lists, to no avial. When they contacted me in January 2014, I began a
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Dear Nathan – IMPORTANT INFORMATION
I got a phone message from Nathan! (The ‘consultant’ Ex Libris has assigned to my book.) It was the same voice mail that he’s left the past three or four times he’s called. He’s very persistent. Unfortunately for Nathan, I don’t answer telephone calls for which I do not recognize
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Dear Nathan – Editors
Dear Nathan, I was thinking about who you should get to edit my manifesto. I mean manuscript. My eleventh grade English teacher came to mind, but after she was accused of gross vandalism, criminal harassment, stalking, and destruction of property … Continue reading →
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Dear Nathan
A few years ago, I decided to engage in some corporate espionage. I work in the field of book publishing, and I had been hearing rather a lot about vanity presses like Ex Libris. Normally, I don’t like naming the … Continue reading →
Continue readingcentre of the universe: You’re out of control
I wasn’t going to say anything about this. I’ve been trying to decrease the number of negative things I put out there into the megaverse, but I think I can’t sit on this any longer. Dear CTV host Michelle Gerwing and Newstalk1010: Every time you make comments like “what are
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Medical Records Rant: Update
So, as I know you are sitting on the edge of your seat wondering “what has cenobyte done? What’s going on with her medical records?”, I thought I’d update you. Not too long ago, my doctor changed clinics. Apparently, when he left the clinic in which his practice was located,
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Beware: Rant
Will someone please explain to me a couple of things? Make sure you use easy-to-understand Venn diagrams and small little words because it’s sure feeling like I’m getting the “you’re too stupid to understand so I’m just going to say the same thing over and over, only louder” treatment. 1)
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Jump down
I get myself into the most interesting conversations. Usually that’s because I’ve figured out that one of the greatest secrets to an interesting and happy life is to surround yourself with interesting and incredibly clever people. I’ve said before that we don’t all need to agree. And sometimes, it’s better
Continue readingcentre of the universe: She’s my cherry pie
Here’s a problem. Some people seem to think that sexual or romantic attention is a *gift*. They seem to think that all we do is sit around waiting for someone to tell us that we’re pretty or sexy or that we want to know what they would like to do
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Head Like a Hole
First, I’d like you to go to Netflix and watch a documentary called “Head Games”. It’s about brain damage due to contact sport. It talks about concussions in football, hockey, and boxing. And entertainment wrestling (not greco-roman wrestling). It’s an incredibly interesting and well-done documentary. One of the really good
Continue readingcentre of the universe: I’ll be brief
Just because today was looking pretty good, despite the zero visibility drive home, I thought I should share with you what I came home to. “Dear cenobyte, You submitted a bunch of crap to our publication. You must have thought it was a good idea for some reason, but we
Continue readingcentre of the universe: I’m a collector, not a hoarder
You always hear that, don’t you. When you watch those programmes with people who have seventy eight cats all living in the house with them, turding on the floor in piles taller than the coffee table. Houses where rats have … Continue readin…
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