“Can’t sleep, clown will eat me.” –Bart Simpson I always used to think one of the silliest phobias was coulrophobia — the fear of clowns — until I saw this album cover. This thing is terrifying. I mean, it just reeks of menace! Mr. Bat is wearing some kind of traditional Pagliacci-type of outfit, and ...
Alltop is afraid of skin tanner. Chart by Indexed.
Writer’s note: Most of the Twitter handles are invented. And if the reverse chronology is a problem, you may prefer to start this short story at the beginning, but I recommend starting here: LandingPartyONE Displeased we did not demolish Twitter servers instead of using them. Activate sterilization protocol. less than 5 seconds ago from TweeterProbe ...
(After Winning the First Post-Two-Party Presidential Election) Friends, Americans, Countrymen! Lend me your ears. I come to bury our two-party system, not praise it. I stand before you today, not as a conqueror, not as pop icon, but as your President. An American president. Now, what I say next is not said with malice, but ...
By mid-century, all the grumpkins agreed: robots were the shit. Even the most hardened humano-mechanicals were aware their robotic cousins could kick their asses. And the feed stock? Don’t be ridiculous. They were so squishy. So temporary. The only reason the snarko-collective allowed the progenitor biological intelligences to survive was simple. Even after they became ...
If someone follows you, please, don’t immediately DM them and ask them to friend you on FB now, or buy your book, or watch your hilarious YouTube videos, etc. Imagine you’re at a party, and you’ve just encountered Bob. Bob seems interesting. Bob has a neat beard and a funny t-shirt. So you start a conversation. ...
One of my guilty pleasures is Jim’ll Paint It — where readers request crazy scenarios and Jim makes them happen through the magic of imagination (and some kind of hallucinogen, I’m guessing.) Alltop loves a good hallaughinogen.
See, there was nothing to worry about, comrades. Alltop is not half-hearted about humor.
The Amazon servers take even more heating… Alltop is hot for the funny. Cartoon via Hungry for Knowledge.
At the Skywalker Ranch, there was always a long lineup for the Princess Leia Ride, even when Stacy and her “Umbrella of Truth” was working it. Alltop would never tell a lie. Cloud City Garrison – The Portrait Sessions, originally uploaded by LukeOlsen.
So what is it about science fiction that causes “literary” types to look down upon it? Like any genre, SF has its bad and good. No scratch that, like any writing, there is both bad and good. I’ve read plenty … Continue reading →
2 baffling lecture hours and a 1-hour tutorial in which your TA will try to make sense of it all This course will examine, through critical analysis of the films of Ford, Sturges, Peckinpah and Whoopzingo, the counter-temporal influences of … Continue reading →
The Littlest Hobo original cast and theme song did not test especially well. There’s a voice that keeps on calling me Down the road is where I’ll always be Every stop I make, I’ll make a new friend Can’t stay … Continue reading →
As we all know, Canada is replete with Gords. Per capita, the “Great White North,” as it is known to hosers, carpetbaggers and avuncular entomographers everywhere, has the highest density of Gords of any country in the known surface world. … Continue reading →
Hell no! If you can’t blame the failures of your policy on some flunky (or opposition party, if you’re unlucky enough to be ruling in a “democracy”) then what kind of leader are you? The best option is to say … Continue reading →
I believe that tasers are a barbaric technology. Not only are tasers an excruciating way to kill people, it seems to me that you should be using some kind of non-lethal stunning weapon. A taser is supposed to be a … Continue reading →
Surveillance cameras are a must for any would-be intergalactic overlord, which I assume is your ultimate goal. (Just as an aside, mayor is not the best platform to launch such a career, but you can manage it, particularly if you … Continue reading →
It began simply. He was out on his morning rampage when he crashed through the front gates of SeaWorld. She was doing the 10 am show, trying to keep her spirits up while simultaneously pleasing her human masters and keeping … Continue reading →
Besides, killing Hitler is such a 1st year in the time-travel academy thing to do. Alltop is a great way to kill time.
This helps me to understand why my character in Skyrim keeps picking up crap to sell, even though he has more money than he’ll ever be able to spend. Also, snowberries. Alltop tastes delicious with existential berries.