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mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Death by gluten

Alltop is chewy with humor.

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Snacking Cake Revenge

Muffy and Cuddles were pretty sure they had the math right, but they had a lingering worry that the explosion might ignite the Earth’s atmosphere. On the other hand, the cat was certainly never going to bother them again. No … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: New sect of Pastafarians believes it is Vikings, not pirates, that cause global warming

London, Ontario (The Skwib) — The first schism within the Pastafarian religion has appeared in the sleepy Canadian city of London, Ontario, and it is led by the charismatic preacher Dr. Maximilian Tundra. “Other worshipers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: KFC still addictive, study finds

NEW YORK (The Skwib) — Despite moves to eliminate the use of trans-fats from its fare, Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) is still addictive. “Yes, there is still a problem with this so-called ‘food’,” Dr. Finn Gerliken, Director of the Institute … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Blogger ponders on things instead of musing about them

LONDON, Ontario (The Skwib) — The web is still reeling from the revelation that a blogger has been pondering things instead of musing about them. “Yeah, I’ve spent a lot of time musing, in fact, the tagline from my blog … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Thag angry! Teenager bad!

Having settled the issue of if the members of the Thunka Grunka tribe had free will or not, Thag settled back into life with his tribe. For once, it was almost peaceful. He and his new mate, Twigla, were happy. … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Thag grok free will!

The journey back to the Thunka Grunkas had been a long and difficult one, but Thag had finally returned from his sabbatical with the Drunka Grunkas, learning how to make beer. Along with this new technology, Thag also returned with … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Thag not talk much!

Thag’s year with the Drunka Grunka was drawing to a close, and he was almost ready to head back to his own tribe, the Thunka Grunkas. His relationship with the slender and beautiful Twigla was blossoming, and his artwork was … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Thag grok cow!

Thag’s sabbatical with the Drunka Grunka tribe was not as idyllic as he thought it was going to be, but on the whole, he was quite enjoying his stay. First of all, the Drunka Grunkas had invented a delectable potage … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Thag not grok big bottoms!

The trip back to the Drunka Grunka’s lands would be a long one — of all the Grunka tribes, the Drunkas lived the farthest away from the place of the Great Gathering. But Thag was happy. For at least one … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Thag not grok milk!

Thag really was starting to enjoy the Grunka gathering. His mate, Onga, was behaving herself, and even the new religion of his tribe’s shaman, Weasel-Scratch-Face-Brother wasn’t bothering him anymore. Every fifth or sixth summer, depending on the position of the … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Thag sleep on it!

It had finally happened. No, the Thunka Grunka Clan was not about to finally get rid of that walking meat stick, the shaman Weasel-Scratch-Face Brother. It was not nearly such good news. His ex-mate, Onga, had finally got on the … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Thag not wear hair gel!

If he were honest, Thag would say that his affair with the nubile Vunga, the half-daughter of the shaman, could not last forever. Not only was she was at least ten years younger, but eventually the Thunka Grunka clan would … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Thag scared at that time of month!

Thag whistled while he packed for the next trip. He liked to organize short hunting expeditions for a certain week of the month — even if there was little chance of finding game — as it was a good idea … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Thag not grok god!

The natural world was not a mystery — when it rained, they got wet. If they were in the mountains, rain was dangerous because it would swell the streams, making them difficult or impossible to cross. Rain made hunting more … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Thag do meditation!

Every morning before they started the hunt, Thag would sit down away from the others, close his eyes, and listen to the wind. It was more than that, but that is what he told the other hunters. Really what he … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Thag want be millionaire!

It had been an unlucky hunting season. First of all, their big man, Grunk, got himself gored by a woolly rhinoceros in the first week of the expedition. Grunk — always the big swinging dick that Grunk — had tried … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Thag brain not hear, honey

“Thag, don’t forget to bring home that chunk of mammoth meat you left to hang in the forest.” No response from Thag, who is knapping flint with his whacker. He is making more flint arrowheads to replace all of those … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Thag make sex toy!

Thag was preparing himself for a long hunting trip. He’d already sharpened his fire-hardened spear, and collected fresh grasses for insulating his clothes and moccasins. The last thing he needed to do was cut himself a fresh set of knives … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: An Outraged Diner Emails the In-Vitro Café

From: wally42@yaboo.com To: owner@invitrocafe.com Subject: Suing your restaurant Dear Proprietor, My wife and I managed to get a table at the grand opening of your establishment last night, and we regret our effort. We are both conscientious eaters, so the … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Robots need love too

Seriously. Robots need love too! If we’re going to survive the coming Toaster Uprising, then we have to love our robots. We have to instill them with love. It’s really what Ray Kurtzweil is talking about in The Singularity Is … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs for Robots

I’m not sure that robots need food, but the rest of this seems accurate, particularly the top. Some of the robots despense food. Alltop is a self-actualized chatbot. More of Lunchbreath’s latest toons here.

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Ask General Kang: Can I Be More Charismatic?

Absolutely, it is easy for you to be more charismatic, though you will never be as appealing as I am. According to Professor Richard Wiseman (I’m not sure what he’s a professor of, but he’s British and his last name … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Why Internet make you dumb

Much of this video’s content is covered in Nicholas Carr’s book, The Shallows, What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains, in detail. Here’s my review of the book: The irony is a spongy wad, so thick the fine edge … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: The loneliness of the long distance rabbit

The stats were daunting. The average breeding season for rabbits is 9 months (10 in Newfoundland). Gestation time is 30 days. Each litter produces somewhere between 4 to 12 kits (baby rabbits). It takes 4 to 5 weeks to wean … Continue reading →