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mark a rayner: Doug the neurotic invents a corollary on his daily commute

Okay, I’ll admit it. I’m freaking out. I ate at Wendy’s last night, and then I’m reading the paper today — yeah, like I do everyday on the bus — and so I’m reading the paper, and what do I see? Bird Flu! There was another breakout of bird flu in a freakin’ chicken farm . . . → Read More: mark a rayner: Doug the neurotic invents a corollary on his daily commute

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: A romance for the ages

It began simply. He was out on his morning rampage when he crashed through the front gates of SeaWorld. She was doing the 10 am show, trying to keep her spirits up while simultaneously pleasing her human masters and keeping … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Ask General Kang: Um, is it time to panic?

You humans still have primitive brains, so I will try to be understanding about this need of yours to panic. One of your wisest humans wrote a book, upon the cover of which was the phrase “DON’T PANIC”. This is … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Thag angry! Teenager bad!

Having settled the issue of if the members of the Thunka Grunka tribe had free will or not, Thag settled back into life with his tribe. For once, it was almost peaceful. He and his new mate, Twigla, were happy. … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Thag do meditation!

Every morning before they started the hunt, Thag would sit down away from the others, close his eyes, and listen to the wind. It was more than that, but that is what he told the other hunters. Really what he … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Thag want be millionaire!

It had been an unlucky hunting season. First of all, their big man, Grunk, got himself gored by a woolly rhinoceros in the first week of the expedition. Grunk — always the big swinging dick that Grunk — had tried … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Thag make sex toy!

Thag was preparing himself for a long hunting trip. He’d already sharpened his fire-hardened spear, and collected fresh grasses for insulating his clothes and moccasins. The last thing he needed to do was cut himself a fresh set of knives … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Giganto-Schism

While the people of St. Tropezia were still somewhat bemused by the dire calamities promised by the Trans-Catholic Church, they found themselves drawn irresistibly to the gigantic women of their saucy little planet, and formed the Giganto Creed. Continue reading →

. . . → Read More: mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Giganto-Schism

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: The erotic possibilities of zombie domination

“Now listen carefully Judy, as this lesson will someday save your life. “You see this quadrant of the parietal lobe? This is the sweet spot when it comes to zombie domination. If you can deliver even a modest blow to … Continue reading →

. . . → Read More: mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: The erotic possibilities of zombie domination

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Why Canadians celebrate Queen Victoria’s birthday

Here in Canada we celebrate Queen Victoria’s birthday, and it is known as Victoria Day. Why? She has been dead for more than 110 years, and our current Queen has now been reigning almost as long as Vicky did. I … Continue reading →

. . . → Read More: mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Why Canadians celebrate Queen Victoria’s birthday

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Why Dr. McCoy was not a whiny bitch

McCoy, Kirk and Spock are all about to die as their bodies are de-atomized over a period of several agonizing seconds. Everyone in the original Star Trek was quite condescending to Bones whenever he got fretful about using the transporter. … Continue reading →

. . . → Read More: mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Why Dr. McCoy was not a whiny bitch