Postscript AI
When I finished writing my last blog post I started to wonder what it would look like if I had asked an LLM-based AI to write it. I have little…
Monkeys!
Twitterpocalypse
Writer’s note: Most of the Twitter handles are invented. And if the reverse chronology is a problem, you may prefer to start this short story at the beginning, but I…
Are you a famous writer yet?
This flowchart may help you answer this “important” question: Alltop is a famous humor aggregator. Flowchart by electric literature
Ask General Kang: How can I get more respect?
It depends on how much respect you’re looking for, really. I mean, if you just want your friends, family and neighbours to respect you then it should be pretty easy.…
Ask General Kang: How should I pick an eyebrow shape?
Generally speaking, there is an eyebrow shape that works with every type of face. If you are an über-chimp with a large cranial ridge, for example, then a properly shaped…
Ask General Kang: Do you ever suffer from Twitter regret?
Foolish human! You can’t, as the appropriately ordered phrase has it, have your cake and eat it too. (Most of you lower primates get that backwards.) If you are going…
Level Two: The Monkey
From The Levels of Drinking Consciousness: A Unified Theory: The Hammer leads, inevitably, to “The Inebriation,” leading you to the next layer down, the monkey layer. Now, this part of…
Hirsute nostalgia
I’m not sure who this is, Chilliwack, maybe? Or, Jefferson Starship? Anyway, they were a band from the 70s. I encourage you to check out some of my hairy fiction.…
Poor career decisions
The alien on the right is thinking: “My agent is so fired.” The one on the left? He’s just experimenting with his knobs. Alltop loves a good knob experiment!
Nine signs you’ve been watching too many horror movies
You freak out whenever someone plays the top notes on the piano keyboard. You refuse to say: “Wait here, I’ll be right back.” You are with an extremely hot person…
The danger of dressing animals
A monkey dressed as the Easter Bunny, dreaming of murder. Just a warning to those of you who are debating about putting that Godzilla costume on your dog. Don’t do…
Kurt Vonnegut’s one rule
Love this quote. (via MonkeyJoys) Alltop is a humor baby.
Monkey perv
I note this is a photo of a chimp wearing a silk kimono, taking a photograph of a bikini model from an angle which can only be described as avant…
How many humans ever lived?
This infographic supplies an estimate for how many human beings ever lived. (140 billion) And if that sounds like an astonishing number, imagine how crowded the planet would be if…
So what is life, anyway? Bill? George?
Two comedians give their take on the meaning of life, set to music. (Warning: autotune.) Sometimes people forget that comedians like Bill Hicks and George Carlin, for all their savage…
Pozo and Mr. Savage
They lived on the margins of society as a travelling entertainment act. A classic clown-and-baboon show, in the old Czech style. They had terrorized a generation of Eastern European children.…
The Master
I still think back to those days in Japan, when I studied zazen under the guidance of Rōshi Miaki. I had been looking for something in my life, and when…
Paging Dr. Godhead
“…whoever wishes to become a philosopher must learn not to be frightened by absurdities.” –Bertrand Russell “The satirist is prevented by repulsion from gaining a better knowledge of the world…
Bad Chemicals & Babel Fish: My Favourite Humorous Science Fiction Books
Breakfast of Champions, by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. This may be a controversial choice to top a list of humorous science fiction books, but I have… The post Bad Chemicals &…