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mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Fly the Flensing Skies

In the late 1960′s Albanian Airlines’ passengers had overwhelmingly rejected their, “only a sissy needs a seatbelt,” marketing slogan. Their subsequent efforts were equally ineffective at increasing their revenues, including the following notions: no alcohol or tobacco on our flights, … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Before the Internet

Normally, I just nod my head in agreement with xkcd, but in this case, I must take exception. Before the Internet, life was much more exciting. There were things to do — the hard way — and much to accomplish. … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Yes, time travellers are idiots

Besides, killing Hitler is such a 1st year in the time-travel academy thing to do. Alltop is a great way to kill time.

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: With Great Fez Comes Great Responsibility

Long before Giuseppe Del Balso invented cross-dimensional rift surfing, full-frontal time travel, or the pleasures of Zoot, he had many adventures, riding through the Italian countryside on his iron Dobbin. Though invented to teach children how to ride a horse, … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: The Lost Power Point Slides (Yanksgiving History Edition)

Chief Massasoit presents items NOT supplied for the first Thanksgiving, circa 1621 (only slide) deep-fried turkey cranberry sauce potatoes, white or sweet pie of any kind (there were pumpkins, though). Pilgrim chef suggests the following harvest feast, circa 1621 (second … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: How many humans ever lived?

This infographic supplies an estimate for how many human beings ever lived. (140 billion) And if that sounds like an astonishing number, imagine how crowded the planet would be if they all existed at once. Actually, you don’t have to … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Come on Baby, Do the Locomotion

Capable of doing zero-to-sixty in less than ten seconds, the Flannigan Repto-Buggy was a big seller right after President Rutherford B. Hayes started building the Great Chicken Highway. Thousands of tender birds were released on the roads every day, giving … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: 9 old words for the modern age

vocabulation The use or choice of words. This post is a meditation on vocabulation, particularly, old words that we may want to revivify for our current age of the Internet and excess. octothorpe The # symbol. I learned this one … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Coordinates to Landing Zone XI

Famous Painting with SF Titles: Coordinates to Landing Zone XI No doubt this painting is known to you by the title given to it by humans, L’Ultima Cena (The Last Supper). Purportedly, this work depicts the final meal eaten by … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Selected Media Fads Through the Ages

24,000-22,000 BC: chunky fertility goddess statues (pictured at right: notice the prominent and large brains.) 10,000 BC: cave painting 4,000 BC: ziggurat construction 3,000-1,250 BC: pyramid raising (later revived by Mesoamericans and I.M. Pei) 1480-1700: Witch burning 1500s: homoerotic sonnet … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: How did English evolve?

Here’s a fun little video from TED about the evolution of English. This video describes the early days of English’s changes. Some of the more recent alterations are not included, such as the extensive use of pirate terms, robot machine &#82… . . . → Read More: mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: How did English evolve?

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: But how do you get the cats to sing on key?

Alltop uses bagpipes whenever its torturing other humor aggregators.

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Future History: Wall Street Wiles

Excerpt from the Brainipedia mentograph entry on Wall Street, circa 2020: It wasn’t until the early years of the 2020s that our pre-singularity hominid ancestors realized they should not allow their best and brightest minds to go into the financial … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: I Am the Leggman

There is no more tragic story from the early days of cycling than the legendary Vance (The Leggman) Leggstrong. For a period of nearly a decade, none could match his feats of strength, endurance and mind-bending willpower on the Penny … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Pirate etymology: sea dog

Many believe the term stems from the dog-like appearance of the seal, while others claim it is grizzled old sailors. Both of these are correct, nautically speaking, but not when it comes to the pirate. Pirates, and more particularly, privateers, … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Aging Nostalgia

This chart imparts two important points to me: I am older than the average American I had no idea the movie Forrest Gump was so important. The list is marginally less depressing than a game a co-worker of mine used … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Trojan War Vets Could Never Make It In Today’s World

Except for the wily Odysseus. If he could restrain himself from mass-murdering all of the guys hitting on his hot wife, Penelope, he would probably be able to manage a career in HR. Alltop is wine dark with humor.

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: The 70s called

I remember talking to my Grandfather on the phone in 1974. He was in Canada, and I was in the UK. There was an echo that made it very difficult to hear his voice; I think he struggled even more … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: An explosion of taste

The pastry chef, Seaman First Class Henry Bunders, had been given specific orders: “make a cake that is like a nuclear explosion.” He’d been able to recreate the effect of the mushroom cloud using some stiff cardboard, fondant, and liberal … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: The Beard Wars, an Oral History

“Captain Chiggerson, can you hear me? Captain?” “I can hear you! I’m blind not deaf.” “Sorry Captain, but you didn’t seem to be responding,” the historian asked. He was a young man, and was frankly shocked by the Captain’s long … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Byron’s Epic Swims: The Alps

To this day, no one has been able to recreate the feat of naiant heroics that Byron managed in the dark fall of 1816. Having finished buggering Percy Bysshe Shelley senseless, Bryon decided to spend the winter in Venice. He … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Byron’s Epic Swims: Leaving England

Though most famous for his poetry, war heroics, and womanizing, Lord Byron’s greatest achievements all took place in the water. He was born with a deformity in his right foot, or as it was so sensitively known in the 18th … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Miss Atomic Test, Las Vegas (1957)

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: The League of Peculiar Gentlemen: The Americans

Not to be outdone by their British compatriots, the North American members of the League of Peculiar Gentlemen were also able to strap strange things to their faces. Perhaps the most famous of the trio, is Larry “The Monocle” Zimmerman, … Continue reading →

mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: The League of Peculiar Gentlemen: The Brits

Though not as well-known as other Leagues composed of remarkable individuals, the League of Peculiar Gentlemen (LOPG) is none-the-less, an astonishing story of sacrifice, heroism, and strapping things over your face. The first iteration of the LOPG featured six members … Continue reading →