The first thing to remember, in the immortal words of Douglas Adams, is: “Don’t Panic!” Hearing voices is a common occurrence for über-chimps who are just starting to come out…
First of all, don’t be surprised. Then, I suppose it depends a little what kind of hypocrite. For example, if you are talking about a leader of a church —…
Absolutely, it is easy for you to be more charismatic, though you will never be as appealing as I am. According to Professor Richard Wiseman (I’m not sure what he’s…
Oh, you silly humans and your fascination with robots! And I don’t mean the kind of useful robots that actually exist, like the ones in factories. I assume that by…
Ah, not this again! You humans and your obsession with “elections” and “democracy.” It’s an illusion, just like free will. You’ve already decided who you’re going to vote for, and…
Do we? I have entire legion of hipster über-baboons devoted to cranking out these things on an hourly basis, clogging Neecknaw’s Datasphere with pretty misinformation. Before I recruited them for…
First of all, check the finger carefully. If it’s not a pinkie from the same species, then you’re probably okay. I was once really freaked out by Colonel (now Major)…
You can relax. I don’t know where you got your information, but our best scientists don’t currently think the earth will be destroyed by the sun. In about 4-5 billion…
