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centre of the universe: Honey honey

  There is a girl at football practice throwing stones in the air directly over her head.  Part of me wants to tell her why this is such a bad idea – and show her the scar on my eyebrow and chipped tooth to prove it, and part of me wants to just sit in the . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: Honey honey

centre of the universe: Ask

There’s this thing called “AMA”, which is short for both “Against Medical Advice” and “Ask Me Anything”*. I think both apply equally, 90% of the time. So, since I am in the process of trying to fixy things on my blog, I figured an “AMA” post might be kind of fun. So go ahead! . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: Ask

centre of the universe: No entertainment value whatsoever

I’m testing something out here at the centre of the universe, so while I wait to see if that’s been successful, here’s a little story for you: Penguin’s car breaks down while he’s on vacation in downtown Florida. He manages to find a repair shop within walking distance of a grocery store, and since he’s . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: No entertainment value whatsoever

centre of the universe: Congratulations, Alberta!

So I changed my blog template because I’m so very happy for my Alberta peeps, who tonight made history when they elected an NDP majority government. I know there are a lot of folks concerned as all hell about what this election is going to mean for Alberta’s provincial revenues, jobs, etc., and rightfully so, . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: Congratulations, Alberta!

centre of the universe: Swine Cat

This is Poe the Cat. He is a dick. His nickname is Mungbrain the Cat. He believes he was in a movie once (he was not) and that he played the captain of the guards (he did not; it was Jason Bateman) and that it was a, and I’m quoting the cat here, “seminal role” . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: Swine Cat

centre of the universe: Miss Appropriate Or, Why I Stopped Looking In Mirrors

I walk up the street and catch a reflection of myself in the window. I look away. The woman in that window is a woman reflected. She has backward thoughts. She cannot look in to her own eyes. The woman reflected is alone in that window. In mirrors she moves backward, mixing up her right . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: Miss Appropriate Or, Why I Stopped Looking In Mirrors

centre of the universe: Eleven weeks

The view from the cafeteria looks out over Calgary’s wide valley basin. I watched the sun rise on one side this morning and now watch the sun begin to set behind the mountains. It’s the kind of view that takes you out past the horizon, if such a thing is possible. The sun rises and . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: Eleven weeks

centre of the universe: To every taxation year, there must come an end

I do not believe in making “new year” resolutions. I do not celebrate the ushering in of a new year until spring. Yet with this taxation year coming to an end there are some changes I am focusing on, and have been focusing on, for a few weeks now. My “second mum” told me over . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: To every taxation year, there must come an end

centre of the universe: A list

Things #PrincessSassypants is afraid of: Leaves Certain kinds of paper The poop bag holder (that’s shaped like a bone) My skirt Little pieces of dust bunnies Her own farts The wind A stalk of grass Gloves (mittens are fine) Dining chairs The sound Twitter makes when I forget to turn off the notification sound The . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: A list

centre of the universe: It’s like there’s a different word for everything

What’s that word for “I think I touched your boob completely inadvertently; I meant to give you a good ol’ chuck on the shoulder”? I’m sure there is one. There has to be. There has to be a word for that in German. Or, you know, Esperanto or whatever. Because as we all know, the . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: It’s like there’s a different word for everything

centre of the universe: A time to sow, a time to reap

I have a love-hate-ambivalent-hate-hate-love relationship with my garden. With the ACT of gardening. I think it’s probably also indicative of my parenting style, which pretty much makes me a terrible person. Here’s the deal. I’m sure most of the gardening gurus tell you that the key – the SECRET to a lovely garden is to . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: A time to sow, a time to reap

centre of the universe: An ancient archived post

Here is my new favourite post I have ever made on my blog, ever. In the history of things I have posted on my blog. In going through an old backup copy of the blog, I stumbled upon this post draft from 16 November, 2011.           [Untitled] Here is a very . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: An ancient archived post

centre of the universe: DIY instructable for DIY guides

After seeing the sock tutorial posted yesterday, an insightful viewer requested a subsequent DIY guide focussed on how to make DIY guides. Since the Internet was CLEARLY correct in recommending good ideas for blog posts, I have decided to prepare that for you, the Insightful Viewer. The trick to writing a DIY guide is to . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: DIY instructable for DIY guides

centre of the universe: The Guider’s Guide to Guides or, Sock DIY Tutorial

Another thing the Internets have taught me about how to come up with ideas is that readers of blogs fully enjoy being told what to do. Which is to say, their favourite thing in the whole world is DIY sites. That means “Do It Yourself”. It could also stand for “Ducks In Yorkton“, “Dildos Instead, . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: The Guider’s Guide to Guides or, Sock DIY Tutorial

centre of the universe: Top [nouns] that [verb phrase]

I am entirely out of ideas of what to write for this blog. In fact, since you’re a captive audience, I will also tell you that my other writing is languishing as well. No, no. I don’t much want any pity. I’m just trying to explain what follows. There are *suggestions* on the Internets. Suggestions . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: Top [nouns] that [verb phrase]

centre of the universe: Comin’ Through the Rye

Time becomes irrelevant when you exist in a fog. You note its passing, later stay up all night with crushing guilt over what you should have done and how you could have spent the day. Think about all of the things you could have said to your kids but didn’t. Wonder why you seem wholly . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: Comin’ Through the Rye

centre of the universe: Limited Time

Do you have a toddler or an Elderly Resident in your home? Are you worried about those nasty Sharp Corners on coffee tables? Well, worry no more! New and improved* Mungbrain the Cat will rub those sharp edges right down past the veneer! Act now and we’ll include several bits of Very Expensive Yarn that . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: Limited Time

centre of the universe: Blowin’ in the Wind

I think I’ve mentioned once or twice that we’re having renos done. Our renos involve not having our washing machine and dryer hooked up, and we’ve been without them for I think close to two months now. I think I’ve also mentioned once or twice that I really enjoy doing laundry, and that from time . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: Blowin’ in the Wind

centre of the universe: One of these things…

As I was Driving, I was Pondering. And what I was Pondering is this: if we can liken western Canada to Winterfell*, and I think we can, can we then assume that the Conservative Party of Canada is full of Lannisters? I THINK WE CAN. I’m not sure if that means that Justin Trudeau is . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: One of these things…

centre of the universe: S.M.R.T

At the beginning of the school year, The Captain came home after classes one day and announced at the dinner table that one of the things they’ll be doing this year is focusing on peer editing for their composition works. I launched in to a long-winded explanation about why that was a good idea and . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: S.M.R.T

centre of the universe: I don’t exist when you don’t see me

He wonders if she can see him. Perhaps if he showed up to the restaurant she was at with her lover, she would just look right past him and not see him at all. Then he’d have to walk right up to her and say something, and what would he say? And what if she . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: I don’t exist when you don’t see me

centre of the universe: They’ll hurt me bad; they do it all the time

He’s nervous when he sees her. He doesn’t know what to say, whether she wants him to talk to her or whether she figures he’d be better off crawling in a hole and never speaking again. Perhaps he wants to say something. Something profound. Perhaps all he wants to say is “hello”, but he doesn’t . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: They’ll hurt me bad; they do it all the time

centre of the universe: Colour everywhere

I think of David often, and I find myself missing him at the strangest times. Although he knew he was ill, my uncle took his own life with a shotgun. I have actually lost count of the number of people I love who’ve attempted suicide. Please. You are worth living. Suicide Prevention Canada Saskatchewan Crisis . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: Colour everywhere

centre of the universe: Content with content?

Once upon a time, there was a young man who loved ponies. Nobody thought this was odd because there wasn’t a gender-specific expectation related to the love of diminutive equines. When he was old enough, he wondered aloud at a street art shoppe whether there was something he could do to commemorate his love of . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: Content with content?

centre of the universe: centre of the universe 2013-08-28 17:53:30

I thought I was fortunate to be in those good graces. I thought that affection was a gift; that I was somehow special. Every lesson we learn comes at a price and the price of this lesson has been self-doubt, heartache, and sadness. This, like all other things, will pass. This cannot sully the past, . . . → Read More: centre of the universe: centre of the universe 2013-08-28 17:53:30