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mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Classic miscommunication

He’d met her at a bar uptown, and she seemed like a classy dame, but there was something odd about her. When she’d said, “you know Lance, I’d really like to show you my sink, and you could play with … Continue reading →

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The Skwib: Toulouse Le Grandfig’s Summer Vacation: Voyage’s End

February 29, 1933, Capipi Bumonsis I sense the voyage is about to come to an end. The customs agents here are strange men. Their beards are not mellow, but wild and full of strife. Oh, for a helping of soup! But there is no rest. The man with the cane spots my imagined tail, and […] . . . → Read More: The Skwib: Toulouse Le Grandfig’s Summer Vacation: Voyage’s End

The Skwib: Toulouse Le Grandfig’s Summer Vacation: Freeze the Brass…

April 12, Jungian Analysis Swollen cheeks and brass protuberances strike the crew of the Good Ship Plotkin. It is the worst outbreak of Bugler’s Mouth I’ve seen since the Great War. One by one, the crew is afflicted, and I am left alone to man the ship with “Ahoy Gregor you great walloping pederast.” Alas, […] . . . → Read More: The Skwib: Toulouse Le Grandfig’s Summer Vacation: Freeze the Brass…

The Skwib: Toulouse Le Grandfig’s Summer Vacation: Kiss-meat

SS Plotkin, circa. 1901 I separate the mists of time like the Great Jabber Monkey’s own cosmic speculum. The Fates glare at me as I slowly walk up the gangway: Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos. “You cannot avoid your destiny,” Clotho says to me, her sea-cap at a jaunty angle. “No,” Lachesis affirmed. “There is no […] . . . → Read More: The Skwib: Toulouse Le Grandfig’s Summer Vacation: Kiss-meat

The Skwib: Toulouse Le Grandfig’s Summer Vacation: The English Disease

Brighton, circa. 2000 This young gent claims that his name is Dennis Travesty. Don at Prancing Fairy College. I call him Coclear Implant. Wonder at his hat. The shoes. And where, do you ask, are the monkeys in this photo? They consumed his artificial eyelashes shortly after it was snapped. And still, I travel… Next […] . . . → Read More: The Skwib: Toulouse Le Grandfig’s Summer Vacation: The English Disease

The Skwib: Toulouse Le Grandfig’s Summer Vacation: Onions

Shattolott City, 1932 The man who loved onions. He loved onions Loved em. Really. He loooved them. If you catch my drift. The authorities frowned on his vegetable affections, but he would not stop. I sing joy monkey monkey at his happy artifice. But in this country, I did not eat. Next Time: On the […] . . . → Read More: The Skwib: Toulouse Le Grandfig’s Summer Vacation: Onions

The Skwib: Toulouse Le Grandfig’s Summer Vacation: Amazonia

Hermitage Villas, 3000 BC I’m in the land of the Amazons. The women are giant. And cruel. They play a game called “Truncheons and Skulls” with the men. The winners levitate the unfortunate survivors; these poor devils are forced to laugh at their ignominious floating before they are consumed by carnivorous haberdashery. I weep. My […] . . . → Read More: The Skwib: Toulouse Le Grandfig’s Summer Vacation: Amazonia

The Skwib: Toulouse Le Grandfig’s Summer Vacation: Birdman

January 22, 1978 It appears that in the future, the world is inhabited by a strange race of bird people. I am a happy fellow indeed! Lok-laach-do is my boon companion, though he is molting. His teeth are the razors in my soup! His hat is silly! Most egregious is his mustache. And now, I […] . . . → Read More: The Skwib: Toulouse Le Grandfig’s Summer Vacation: Birdman

The Skwib: Toulouse Le Grandfig’s Summer Vacation: Departure

December 37, 1932 My voyage begins on the Ukranian Steam Ship, the Plotnik. On the first day, I met our captain. A diminutive, if stern fellow, by the name of Agamon Destroyer of Life. His constant companion was a mute who went by the name of Piffles. (Though he also answered to “Ahoy Gregor you […] . . . → Read More: The Skwib: Toulouse Le Grandfig’s Summer Vacation: Departure

The Skwib: The Curious Case of Toulouse Le Grandfig, Graphic Designer (Part One)

PATIENT HISTORY OF GRANFIG, TOULOUSE LE File #: 12-23571-X Dr. Abe Cornelius Bellevue Hospital — Psychiatric Triage Center Entry 1: Dictated: April 25, 1951 The patient was brought into the hospital by several co-workers, including his immediate supervisor at Vandelay, Alderson, Pentergrast, Ilterton and Deckard, a mid-sized advertising company on Madison Avenue. The Creative Director, […] . . . → Read More: The Skwib: The Curious Case of Toulouse Le Grandfig, Graphic Designer (Part One)