Red Tory v.3.0.3: Mitterminator

Seeking to dispel accusations of pathological flip-flopping, “Mitt” Romney unveiled plans to use a time machine to kill earlier versions of himself who believed in universal health care and gay rights. Now that he’s the presumptive Republican nominee, I guess “Mitt” will also have to exterminate earlier iterations of himself

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Red Tory v.3.0.3: Newt-a-Mania!

I guess winning the Georgia primary in tonight’s discount version of “Super Tuesday” may help Newt stay puft for a while longer in the race to be the standard bearer of ignorant, batshit-crazy white people across America, but what is up with the poor lad forced to hold a sign

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Red Tory v.3.0.3: The Right Height of Trees

Vocalizing to a small group of carbon-based supporters in Michigan earlier this week, “Mitt Romney” – the android launched many years ago by a venture capital fund to become the first completely non-human Republican nominee for President – pretended to express his/its deep affinities with and positive responses to various

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Red Tory v.3.0.3: Foster Friess on Contraception

Rick Santorum’s billionaire “sugar daddy” stuns MSNBC’s Andrea Mitchell with his retrograde “joke” on the subject of contraception: Hard though it is to believe that U.S. politics of late has shifted into the bizarre realm of ridiculous “culture war” issues like contraception, it’s absolutely no surprise whatsoever that the key

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Red Tory v.3.0.3: “Obock Obama”

Wearing a matching sweater vest, Foster Friess, the billionaire investor backing Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum’s frothy campaign to be Theocrat-in-Chief of the Free World, introduces his pet candidate at CPAC 2012: After opening with a mildly amusing joke at the expense of Mitt Romney, Friess goes on to observe

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Red Tory v.3.0.3: Santorumentum!

Def: The frothy mix of media hype and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of non-binding Republican primary victories. How sad is it that a moronic theocrat like Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum is viewed by a majority of Republican primary voters in the heartland of America as a

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Red Tory v.3.0.3: Resolute Newt

Rather than staging a pointless concession “rally” after his distant second-place finish in yesterday’s Nevada caucuses, bucking convention, Newt Gringrich opted instead to hold a bizarre 20-minute press conference at his campaign headquarters. Repulsive though he may be in almost every respect, it’s a good thing that Gringrich has vowed

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