Conservative MPs Call On Government To Ban The Export of Nickelback

OTTAWA – A growing number of Conservative MPs are questioning their government’s position on the export of Nickelback.

Solid caucus discipline has been one of Cowboy Steve’s political achievements over six years in power. While open revolt over Nickelback hasn’t erupted, clear faultlines over government resistance to having the band listed as hazardous internationally suggest the prime minister may be forced to deal with a rare case of internal dissent.

The first public cracks in the Conservative party line came when five Tory MPs broke ranks and abstained from an NDP vote that would have banned Nickelback exports. One MP, off the record, said “To call them shitty is an insult to shitty bands everywhere. Not only does Nickelback suck polar bears, but Canada is being mocked internationally. This band actually makes Guns’n’Roses sound good! “

Some Conservative defenders of the much-maligned band pointed out that Nickelback has sold tens of millions of CDs. Douglas Craig answered that “97% of those buyers are guys with mullets, and the remaining 3% just have their ears up their ass. We’ve educated the public on so many safety hazards over the years. People need to understand the facts quite clearly. Nickelback blows, and nothing will ever change that.”

This generation’s Grand Funk Railroad?