Rahim Jaffer implicated in Guergis pregnancy

OTTAWA – At a parliamentary committee hearing, Rahim Jaffer was revealed to be the mastermind behind his wife Helena Guergis’ pregnancy. Jaffer admitted to cooking up the entire scheme when it appeared that no one else would step forward to take responsibility.

A private investigator who was tailing the couple said Jaffer and Guergis were seen leaving local seafood restaurant Busty’s together in the former cabinet minister’s riding of Simcoe-Grey. The investigator found the receipt for the restaurant tryst, which was disclosed at the hearing. The meal consisted of two dozen Malpec oysters, a bucket of Coronas on ice and eight tequila shooters. The couple declined dessert, saying they had to go home and “feed the kitty“.

Committee members promised to have Jaffer back to answer more questions. “We’d like to know more about why they were in such a hurry to leave” added chairperson Guy L’érectile. “Everybody stays for karaoke on Thursdays, and I understand Rahim does a spot-on Marie Osmond.”